Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Kegger At The White House! President Invites Congress For Drinks, Introducing the Obama Stimulus Drinking Game

Change You Can Drink To!

President Obama invited a bipartisan group to the White House tonight for drinks to celebrate the passing of the Social Engineering Pork Spending Bill.

The Details

The Place
The reception will take place in the Red, Blue and Green rooms of the executive mansion.

The Menu
What’s on the menu? The invitees were told to expect drinks – and, perhaps, a snack or two.

A snack or two? The most powerful man in the world is putting out some Wheat Thins and E-Z Cheese? Can't splurge for some pigs in a blanket to celebrate your pork?

The Guest List

There are six House Democrats, including Speaker Nancy Pelosi of California and Representative Steny Hoyer of Maryland, the majority leader; and six House Republicans, including Representative John A. Boehner of Ohio, the minority leader and Representative Eric Cantor of Virginia, the whip.
On the Senate side, there are five leading Democrats, including Senator Harry Reid of Nevada, the majority leader, and Senator Richard J. Durbin of Illinois. On the Republican side, five senators also are invited, including: Mitch McConnell of Kentucky, the minority leader, along with Lamar Alexander of Tennessee, Jon Kyl of Arizona, John Thune of South Dakota and John Cornyn of Texas.

The Rules of the Game

  • Read the Entire Text of The American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009. For Every $1 Billion in spending listed, do a shot. Keep drinking until someone passes out, then do a shot every $10 Billion. Spending begins at the bottom of page 9 of the 647 page bill. Game should last roughly through page 20 before everyone passes in Rose Garden.
  • Every time Obama says "Ummm...". Drink. Recommended only if you really want to get wasted on the tax payer dime.
  • When the President mentions "crisis", "recession", "depression", "the worst since...", or any other doom and gloom. Drink.
  • Watch The Rachel Maddow Show. Last person to projectile vomit wins. Game should last roughly 17 seconds. Not recommended. Alcohol not required.
  • None of the funds provided by this Act may be made available to the State of Illinois, or any agency of the State, unless (1) the use of such funds by the State is approved in legislation enacted by the State after the date of the enactment of this Act, or (2) Rod R. Blagojevich no longer holds the office of Governor of the State of Illinois. The preceding sentence shall not apply to any funds provided directly to a unit of local government (1) by a Federal department or agency, or (2) by an established formula from the State. Nothing related to drinking here, but does anyone else find it strange that this is actually included in the bill?
  • Every time President Obama makes a snarky comment about Sean Hannity or Rush Limbaugh. Drink.
  • Every time Nancy Pelosi or Obama says "I won" "We won" "I trump you" "You suck" "I rule" or any other snotty, arrogant, narcissistic polarizing comment -- call him or her a big fat liar -- and drink.
  • Get a few beers in the President and see if you can get him to sign an executive order revoking all of his previous and future executive orders. (Sorry, inappropriate?)
  • When Michelle Obama says she is proud of her country for the "second" time. Drink.
  • Remind the President that none of his pride and joy stimulus will go to his adopted home state as long as Blago keeps fighting. Again, nothing to do with drinking. Some of these are just for fun.
  • Every time the President quotes Lincoln, talks about Lincoln or shows you something in the White House related to Lincoln -- explain to him that besides both being from Illinois, there are no similarities -- Drink.
  • Get a couple of glasses of wine in Pelosi and ask her to say "there is no pork in this bill" with a straight face. If she laughs, make her chug a beer. If she succeeds, call her a big fat liar and drink.
  • Whenever anyone says "Stimulus", do your best Beavis & Butt Head impression saying, "Uh huh huh... you said stimulus" and drink.
  • Sneak into Oval Office to find Rahm-bo pretending to be the President, laugh uncontrollably and call him a big dork.

Add more to the Stimulus Drinking Game in the comments section!

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